ehhh…

It’s Wednesday.

It’s wet outside, cloudy, and I feel so frumpy.
Not that I’m trying to jinx myself, but I don’t feel like today will be a good day.
Maybe its the stress.
Lately, I’ve been trying to handle things and be more open with my feelings.
So far, I was doing okay.
But as an overthinker, I’m constantly thinking negative.
As always, I dismiss it. Honestly, I’m trying not to do that this time around.

however….

Two months ago, my world shattered. I reacted in a way that surprised myself. During those two months, I felt caged. I hated that feeling. I hated feeling like I had no control over my emotions. Maybe within the fouth week, I decided to not let that incident have power over me. Move forward. Then I felt weird. I felt like I was moving on too fast. That I was too forgiving. So, I made a deal with my spouse. Give me 3 month [May-July]. I need to get myself emotional together. We can’t start fresh, if I’m still harboring resentment from his infidelity.

Do I trust him? Yes, with our children. No, with me. Well, why be with someone that you don’t trust? Welp, I could come up with at least 10 excuses why, but at the end of the day, I forgave his actions. I have faithfully invested 11 years with this guy. I was willing to try again, not for the sake of my kids, but for my own sake. I think its unfair to oneself if they say in a marriage solely for their kids’ sake. That’s false hope for the kids.

Needless to say…

We have been communicating a lot more, which is good. Sometimes I feel as though he’s keeping things from me or reverting back to the old ways. He assures me that he isn’t, but I don’t feel like I believe him….some of the times. Maybe things will be better. Maybe this was just obstacle that I’ll [hopefully] never have to cross again. We’ll see.

Just realized that I went from one spectrum to the other end. lol. Oh well, Just had to clear my mind.

xoxo