WHATTA DAY

Surprisingly, I’m in an okay mood.
Yesterday, not so much.
Despite my jacked up knee and the constant migraine,
I made a deal with myself yester….er….early this morning whilst studying my Korean lessons.

I’m going to overcome where short-term obstacle that is in my view.
I’m going to tackle my weight issue.
I’m going to devour every negative vibe that isn’t worth my time.
I’m not going to entertain stupidity.

Now, I’m holding myself accountable.
How so?
I love tattoos.
If I fail my mission, no new ink.
I’m determined to do this.

I have too much going on in my life to have an obstacle at every corner.
To constantly feel like a failure.
Even at times, I feel like I’m wearing deflated floaties,
I can do this.

Also, I’m writing on Vocal Media..You can check out my unfiltered writings below.

Beauty in the Eye of the Beholder
The Struggles Of Getting Over A Broken Heart 

xoxo

ugh…fv*k me.

Things have not been pleasant for lately….especially today.

I had to go see a doc because I injured my left knee 4 months ago at work. It only started hurting about a couple of weeks ago. The pain is getting worst. Ughhhhh….However, that’s not what got me alllllll kinds of upset. I got on the scale and I thought I weighted about 153 lbs. Negative. I weighed 163 lbs. This is the biggest that I’ve ever been in my life. IN. MY. LIFE.

I felt so bad about myself alllll day. Then a friend of mine made my day with her kind words. I lost weight before, granted it took me 2 years, but I did it. I can do it again. I. CAN. DO. IT. I’m proud of me because I didn’t eat fast food today nor did I drink a soda. I can do this. What I can’t do is put pressure on my left knee, so no squats, lunges, or anything that bends my knee. There’s ways around that. I can do this. It’s going to be hard, but I’ve got to maintain a positive attitude.

If there’s a will, there’s a way.

xoxo

ssssstressed….

I’ve been a bit stressed, but yesterday kind of hit the top for me.

I love my job, but I’m getting to the point where I actually feel like it’s not worth me going into work for the day. That’s baaaad. It’s not the parents or students, but some of the people that I work with. They don’t value the job or care about the job like I do. I don’t have the luxury of not showing up for whatever random reason.

I always tell myself: why care, if they don’t? The thing is: I do care. I care because if I did any of the crap that they’re doing, I would get fired. I shouldn’t have to carry the work load alone because I don’t work alone…[as of lately, I kind of am…]. I try to express my grievances, but I feel like it falls on deaf ears.

Emotionally, I’m tired of that place. I feel unappreciated and taken advantaged of. I don’t feel like I’m growing or progressing as a person. It’s simply, Erica’s there. She’ll handle it. She’ll take care of it. We preach about family and team work. But, we’re nothing of the sort.

I’m feeling burned out. I feel like  my feelings don’t mattered and dismissed. I feel like I just…don’t fit.

xoxo

I haven’t been posting lately due to not feeling well: mentally & physically.
I have been studying my Korean a little bit here and there, but mostly trying to figure myself out.

Work is 50/50. I go and do my job. Sometimes I get enjoyment and other times, I’m like “Another day on the job.” Why not quit? I do enjoy what I do…just not lately. Mainly because I feel like I’m not progressing as a manager [but how can you manage anything when you barely have anyone to manage?].

I’ve gotten back into the swing of things as far as working out. Taking baby steps as far as how often to work out. However, I am proud of myself of working up a sweat. My eating hasn’t changed…yet. But, I have slowed down on drinking soda all the time. Now, I drink cucumber lemon water and occasionally treat myself to a soda. So, I guess that a mini-progress.

Emotionally…I’m still figuring my 31 yrs old self out. Not as far as what I want to do with my life…per se. How I’m going to move forward with my life is the question. I try to garner positivity or at least seek it from somewhere…but, I always fail. So, I’m trying to find out what I’m doing wrong. Maybe there’s something that in front of me that I’m not seeings or refusing to see. Who knows?

xoxo