I didn’t all the things I had planned to do today.
Migraine was x100, so I just….slept. I didn’t feel like doing anything. When I did rise up, I felt sick. It’s not unusual for to have migraines. However, these are to the extent of last times major migraine. I can tolerate many pains but my head and stomach aren’t ones that I can handle.
Despite being in physical pain…
I feel like I’m going through something mental as well. That it’s this unexplainable delusion, so I just don’t talk about it. I just pay attention. I just watch, watch, and watch some more; feeling like something is hidden, but I know it’s there. Just no key to unlock such door. Some gift wrapped box that I’m not allowed to touch but only see. It’s frustrating.
I hate feeling like I have to be on edge now. I suspect everything now. Every action. Gut intuition is always on x 1000, but trust no longer is available. How does one live their life in such a way, yet move on like….nothing has never happened. Yes, I forgave, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to forget. It was going well, trying to put down new pavement to earning my trust, but it seems like he’s one of those road workers that start the project but doesn’t finish it.
I don’t question it. Why not? Because he won’t see it. He sees himself as trying and would get up in arms, if I disagreed. So, why even bother to speak of something that would cause an argument, which is stupid.
I digress….Maybe I should just keep everything internalized as well as this migraine that’s just waiting for me to submit to the pain and just….give up.
Again, I digress.